Sigh...

I had an amazing week with Tayler, whom I heart a whole lot. I'm so glad he came, because he is exactly what I needed, when I needed it most. Not only was it a lot of fun, but it was a great ego boost, and a reminder that not every guy thinks the way dennis does, that there's still hope for me. While he may not be the one I want, he reminded me not to give up hope, which i was steadily letting go of. The last thing he said to me was to be happy, and do the things that make me happy, and to remember all the fun things that make me me, to let them shine. Forget the assholes who make me sad and who make me doubt my awesomeness. He's right, you know.

But now that he's gone and I have no distractions, I'm forced to start thinking about reality again, and sort out what the fuck is going on in my mind: Dennis, Koh Tao, Spain, travel in general, guys, work, living, I'm as clueless as ever. I really am. The new meds are working great, so that's a plus, but it still doesn't help me to figure things out. It just keeps the tears at bay.

I'm relocating to gainesville for a while. This is not the wisest of moves, but it's the one i'm going to make for the moment, because it's a hell of a lot better than being in fort myers. I'm still applying for jobs all over the world. Hopefully something will pan out, and a decision will be made for me. Right now, I just need someone else to tell me what I should be doing. I dont have the strength to do things on my own quite yet.