this is just temporary...

this is just temporary.... this is just temporary... this is just temporary... this is just temporary...

smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

IN YO FACE!

SEND ME PRESENTS!

Here is my address:

Kim Jacobs
Koh Tao Post Office
PO Box 71
Surrathani, Thailand
84280

Here are things from America i wish i had:

The Body Shop Tea Tree Oil Foaming Facewash
Cheesits
Cheerios
Kleenex Tissues


Thats really all i can think of at the moment.

Everyone should come move here, it's way better than wherever you are. (Except for the lack of the aforementioned items!)

Oh Koh Tao....

I’ve been on Koh Tao now for nearly a month. It’s been an interesting month to say the least. Koh Tao is a very small island, with few paved roads and an abundance of motorbikes. Dennis and I moved into a studio-house in a town called Sairee, and together we purchased a red Mio motorbike, who has no name. Dennis was giving me driving lessons, since i have no idea how to ride one, but I crashed it about a week ago, and have gross scrapes on my left elbow, knee, and foot, so i’m giving the bike driving thing a break for the moment.

I’ve been working as a freelance dive instructor/ dive master, where i get paid to dive and to teach people to dive. The pay is great for living on koh tao, but nowhere outside of thailand. For leading already-certified divers on a dive, i make about 600 baht a day. That’s the equivalent of about $17 for the day. But here on Koh Tao that will house me and feed me quite nicely. Teaching pays about 4x better, but still peanuts when converted to real world dollars.

Unfortunately, diving has finally taken its toll on me, and i have some sort of ear infection, and can barely hear out of my right ear (BAH! why couldnt it have been my BAD ear!?). Sometimes it’s painful, so i’ve been swallowing pain killers, and last night i went to a 2nd doctor, and got a shit-ton of new medicines to try.

A few days ago we went on our first visa-run. Our visas to thailand were about to expire, so we had to leave the country and re-enter it on a new visa. We spent a day traveling from Koh Tao to Chumpon to Ranong and finally, to Myanmar, Burma! We got off of a boat, had someone take our temperature, stamp our passport, and try to sell us drugs, including viagra, and then jumped back on the boat to head home. It was an interesting, yet exhausting day.

The food in thailand is, needless to say, amazing. For 60 Baht you can get a massive plate full of food- noodles, chicken, vegetables, the works! And it’s soooo good.

More to come....

Koh Tao

My new home! A tiny island full of dive instructors, potential dive instructors, and people who want to be dive instructed!

there will be photos in the near future, as well as an actual post.

in the meantime, you should buy a ticket to thailand, and once you get here, you'll need about $500 to keep you going for a month. no joke. things are really cheap.

love!

PHUKET!!!!

That's pronounced 'pooh-kett' for all you uncultured folk. And that's where i am! Flew in last night, flexed my "cab"dominal muscles and headed to Patong Beach! We checked into Bliss Hotel, and let me tell you, it is BLISS!!! It's right on the water, and it's absolutely stunning (pictures to follow!)! Den and I decided to stay for two nights instead of one, for a grand total of... drum roll please.... $99!!! And today we're going for $20 two-hour massages. This place is amazing. Come visit now!

Thailand?

That's right. as of now, the plan is to fly to thailand and try my hand out there. i'm going to give in until september. if i like it, i'll stay a while, if i don't, i'm coming back to the states to regroup. i think it's a very good plan. or should i say "plan." At least i'm doing something! that's a step in the right direction!

I've gone through all of my clothes and picked out my top ten outfits, or theres abouts, and am sending home a suitcase with the rest. i'm living like a backpacker now. scary thought...

i'm sure my parents will not approve.

It works!

I've been trying to post for days but it hasn't been working!

Not that there's really much to post.

Harry Potter comes out in 12 days. OMG. can't wait.

and now for the newest section of my blog, entitled, "today i want to be..." where i will share what profession i would like to pursue next. Sure to change with each post, no doubt. so without further ado....



today i want to be:

a Pastry Chef
or
a Police Diver

Kira Make me this!!!!

Salted Butter Caramel Ice cream!

mmmmm......

dizzy and depressed

i will preface this by saying "scoop, this is not meant for you. you can read it, but it wont make you feel happy." Warning complete.

every time i stand up i spin. it's probably due to lack of food, but i just can't seem to make myself eat very much. i scarfed down some popcorn last night, not that it has any nutritional value. When my head isnt spinning, it's pounding. And i'm definately getting sick.

i dont like being in this place where i am, and i'm talking both physically and mentally. Cairns is great fun and all, but outside of diving and drinking, there's very little to do here to stretch the mind. Maybe because i'm used to a different environment, or at least one with more friends in it. but i feel like all the fun has been lost from this place, yet have no desire to go out and find more here. I'm thinking about moving, but that seems like running away from problems. But at the moment it's the only option that strikes me. Obviously this has a lot to do with my current state of mind, which will hopefully change, and brings us to the other half of my aforementioned statement. Mentally, i'm an absolute wreck. I'm so confused and unsure about myself and my life. What am i doing? Why am i here? Where do i go? I've been in this place before, and know that eventually (and by that i mean no time in the immediate future, but some distant point far from now) things will be alright, but i feel like my insides are being sucked out through a straw, leaving a hollow cavity inside. My heart is hurting and i dont have much desire to be amongst people, for fear that i'll break down in public. Which is something i've been doing in private. Breaking down. A lot. Mellowdramatic, am i not? But it's true.

I just want this whole mess to be resolved. I want to be the person i used to be. Self assured, and ready to take on the world. I didnt give a fuck. And i loved life.

Wait. Maybe that was someone else. Maybe this is who i really am. A whiney, crying baby who needs people to take care of her. As much as i love taking care of other people, maybe i'm the one who needs the white knight to whisk me away to some castle in the clouds to live happily ever after.

Or maybe i just need a shrink. That could work also.

One thing's for sure. I definitely need to go back on meds.

I love Harry Potter

And he loves me.

and popcorn.

ps. dill pickle seasoning sounds really gross, but apparently it's in my near future (as in tuesday.)

additionally, i need ideas for birthday festivities.

i made this.

but i confess, i used a pattern.

Michelle Obama is a Fashion Icon!

Got my first paycheck.

But they didnt take taxes out? I'm going to have to talk to someone about that. I do not want to have to pay this government monies when i leave this country. I want them paying me.

Additionally, I've come to realize that i post on this blog more often when i'm unhappy.

And lastly, i'm itchin' for change....

For Scoop:

He's got blue eyes, and hair so blond you can't see it. and a club. He's guarding the cave till my caveman comes home...

Last night was nuts....

by the end of the night, two of my roommates were bleeding profusely. And i was officially wierded out by one of the italians, whom i've dubbed Luigi. He's sooooo sketch. also, my room is falling apart, and i'm feeling the itch to redecorate. There may be some paper mache in my near future. I'm thinking a moose head, or something along those lines. Painted hot pink, obviously. we shall see....


Additionally, there may be another Yongala trip in the near future. as in next week. the weather is perfect. knock on wood. i can't wait!

what i wore to the woolshed tonight....

this could totally be a photo series. and the photos would never end. Wish you were here to see it up close and personal...

Retail Therapy

gotta love it.

i'm okay....

but there's a lump in my throat and a hole in my heart. and my head is still spinning.

i'll tell you what you've missed....

i went diving on thursday with my roommates. it was a lot of fun and we had two good dives. but coming up on my second dive was pretty scary. I was only a few meters from the surface and i got really bad vertigo. Everything was spinning around me and i thought i was spinning too and closing my eyes didnt help and i was really worried. Then i looked at my depth gauge and realized i was only a meter from the surface so i popped up and was fine. But it was really scary at the time. What if that were to happen deeper? What if i had students with me at the time? What would i do then? Ride it out? what if the spinning didnt stop? What then?

Saturday and Sunday i worked (yes, i now have a job). I was the deck supervisor, helping divers and snorkelers in and out of the water. it was alright, up until i slipped on the deck and landed on my jaw. somehow i managed not to shed any blood, although my chin hurts like a mother when i touch it even lightly. As a reward they let me take two intro divers out, and i got to put my name on their certificates. Whoo!

today i slept and tomorrow's my dad's birthday. tomorrow i also buy a new phone. for real this time. sigh.

a dive instructor with no job is a graphic designer

since i have no job i decided to design dive log pages. here are my new dive log pages:



i like 'em!! i also have a matching stamp with my instructor number, with the mermaid. I'm branding myself! you like?

i got offered a job, but i'm not sure that i want it. for now i'm going to take it, but we'll see how it goes.

God i want pinkberry.

Passed!

I am a dive instructor. Now all i need is a massive dive watch to prove it....

and maybe a job too.

yawn.

i'm so sleepy, but i dont want to sleep. thinking maybe i should go out? not sure. i have my class tomorrow and i'm not going to be able to go out for a while. so i was thinking maybe i should go and dance a little bit. no drinking. but it's me, so i'll probably just go to bed. what a loser. oh well.

i love money

and i just found a lot of it! and now i have immensely less anxiety.

just in time to start my instructor course. tomorrow. eek!

cling.

it's what i do.

My contribution to the Mustache-o-Thon

An original rap.


Listen up ladies and gents i gotta tell you really quick
that i’m sportin’ somethin’ special and i know you’ll think it’s slick
Had a plethora to choose from and i think you’ll like my pick
It’s the winner of the moustache-o-thon moustache-growin’ schtick

(i got a mustache)
it’s hair grown on the upper lip
(i got a mustache)
no matter which i sport, it’s hip
(i got a mustache)
if you don’t like it get a grip
(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache

When i started with my lip hair, couldn’t decide which to choose
there’s the porn-star, there’s the trucker and, of course, the fu-manchu
There’s the Dali, twisted upward, and the handle-bar’s good too,
There’s the toothbrush and the walrus and the ever-fine horseshoe.

(i got a mustache)
the ladies think it's really fly
(i got a mustache)
and i dont even need to try
(i got a mustache)
it's so damn good it makes you cry
(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache

I’m gonna wrap it up right here, i gotta finish up my song
but my stache is so amazing that i know i can’t go wrong
it’s okay, i know your jealous but please try to play along
it’s the most amazing rap you’ve heard this mustache marathon!

(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache
(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache
(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache
(i got a mustache)
i got a mustache (fade out)

(The last part should be accompanied by a
raise the roof-type dance move)

excerpt from MY conversation with nathan....

nathan: i like how only black people say "Foolishness"




god i love that boy.

...........................................................

You're crawlin',
things can only get better, boy
Your life can shine in front of you
It catches up with all of us
On certain afternoons

Times are changin' you know that.
God knows what you were you were thinking of.
Everybody's watchin',
they cant destroy you enough.
I try to figure out, (figure out)
the rules of this or that game.

ooo ooo
I feel for you.
So take your time.

you know what's bullshit?

doing a favor for someone that you dont particularly even want to do, and then getting criticized on how you do it. Fuck that.

It's Official!!!

Things are looking up! Did I get a job? well, no. but i do have something to do with my time now, and it will lead to a job, that's for sure!

I've signed up for my PADI Instructor Development Course (IDC).


It begins on the 3rd of April and runs through the 22nd, at which point I will be able to teach all sorts of exciting scuba activities! Until then i am busy studying my ass off. ...


And that's not even all of my study material. There are like eight other books to read... Long ones. With tiny print. But it's going to be AWESOME!!!! And although the parts i'm reading now are pretty much the most boring things ever, it's going to be so good when i'm actually working on things i love to do! Wheee!

Get Pumped!!! And for those of you out there who have always dreamed of becoming a scuba diver, it will soon be time to make those dreams a reality!

xoxo,

scuba kim

My latest Creation!!!

That's right. It's a mermaid. And i embroidered the name Tayah on it for my friend Warren's daughter.

Useless skills at their finest.

Best thing ever!

My korean roommate just came home, and he told me that his homework for his english class was to get an australian girlfriend. AMAZING.

i definitely think that the best way to learn a language is to get a boyfriend or girlfriend from that place.

anyway. i thought it was great. he just looked embarrassed. i like it.

i was in such a good mood all day.

and now i'm not.

I miss normal.

But do i even remember what that is anymore?

I'm on this round-the-world search for myself, and so far I haven't come up with much. People say you have to hit rock bottom before you can start going up again, but i've done that, and now i'm floundering around, trying to move in some sort of upward fashion, and not making much progress. It's a continual "I'll start tomorrow" mindset, where today's just not going right, but tomorrow it'll be a new day, a new chance to take a step in the right direction, that it'll turn out alright if i just hang in there.

And i try to be pro-active. I make lists. i even write them down, check-box style. But still the boxes go unchecked, and rewritten over and over again. The only goal i can actually accomplish is food shopping. I do love food shopping.

My main goal for year one was to get my Dive Master Cert. DONE. now what? I've got seven more months in this country, i can't get up the drive to work on year two, which now i'm starting to debate even doing (maybe i'll switch it for something else. but what?) Cairns is no thriving metropolis, and this slow season/ no jobs available is driving me stir crazy.

I've been doing a lot of talking about getting my Dive Instructor Certification, which i will probably do. But i keep thinking about how if i am doing that, i can't work, and i need money, so what am i going to do? If i do, at least it will keep me focused and driven for a short period of time.

That's the thing. I have nothing to do. And i'm going mad because of it. Even when i was doing my Dive Con Internship, i wasnt making money, and i wasn't doing much else, but i felt like i have some sort of purpose here. At this point, i live for making food for dennis and myself. I've been baking everyday: cinnamon buns, bagels, brie on fresh baked bread. I love doing it, but it's just not exactly what i would call fulfilling. And i think if dennis wasn't around to eat my creations, i probably wouldn't even be baking. I'd be doing nothing at all.

I dont know. I think my main thing right now is that i've lost all motivation. There's nothing lighting the fire under my ass. Which reminds me of this little ditty, which explains my predicament:


Purpose. It’s that little flame,
That lights a fire under your ass.
Purpose. It keeps you going strong
Like a car with a full tank of gas

I don’t know how I know,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.
I don’t know where I’m gonna look,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.
....
Gotta find out.
Don’t wanna wait.
Got to make sure that my life will be great.
Gotta find my purpose.
Before it’s too late.
....
What will it be? Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery.
Gotta find my purpose.
Gotta find me.

What would you do?!

Last night I came home and there was a strange woman inside my house. Granted, it's a sharehouse, and there's a lot of new people who just moved in, i was dead sure this woman didn't belong.

We tried to talk her into leaving and she wouldnt, so we called the police, and when they finally arrived they escorted her from the house.

She didn't take anything, but we think she did have a shower. i dont know. I think she may have been running away from someone who beat her; she had lots of brusies, and she wouldnt let anyone touch her. And she kept saying she just needed to get to a safe house.

The weirdest part of the whole thing was that before we got home she had gone through all the cabinets in the kitchen and rearranged everything. She didnt eat anything. She just moved things around. And she took empty bottles from the garbage and put them back in the fridge. And she told us she was a housecleaner by trade, and she was just cleaning the house. But she put our wooden spoon on the window sill, and took the spaghetti strainer from the cabinet and moved it to on top of the microwave, and then put things inside it. It didn't really make sense.

Dennis thinks she was on heroin. If she was totally out of her mind on drugs, then i guess she had a reason for rearranging the way she did? And her fingernails and toenails were all gross, and her feet were red and swollen. That could be the reason for the bruises too. I guess that makes sense.

Mostly it was just scary and bizzare.

I went to New Zealand

met up with my fam. this is me and mama jacobs. i heart her a lot.

we went abseiling, rafting, and hiking up waterfalls, all within a completely dark underground cave system. And the caves were filled with glowworms! really cool.

i like NZ a lot. My friends Laura asked me if i wanted to move there with her in September, and I totally would. I've only been to Aukland and Waitomo, but i already am in love.

why keep a blog if noone is going to read it?

i dont know either.

The only Manta Ray I've seen was a pancake...

and i ate him.

slowly becoming a person.

i moved. this is my address:

68 water street
room 3
cairns, QLD Australia
4870

mail me things.


also, i've decided to start being a real person again. I go to New Zealand tomorrow. When i get back, i'll start working, sign up for my instructor course (i'm going to be a dive instuctor, obvi) and keep a journal/sketchbook that i will be very excited about.

i miss david bowie. i wonder if she still exists.

i will post pictures of my new room once i take some. for now i'll post these:

me and dominique, my spanish lover

two things

1. i am not so much an underwater videographer. it's way too lonely for me

2. barak obama is my president and i love that.

(ps. 3. i miss kira, and wish i could be her date to the ball)

home again

so i just finished my first little stint as a trainee videographer on the boat. one word: unimpressed. in theory it seems way better than it actually is, at least on our boat. also, i was so sick the entire trip, that it probably seemed ten times lamer than it really is. anywyay. i'm going to figure out tonight if it's worth sticking it out or if i'm going to find something else to do with my time.

2009: Year of the Dive Con

i am done. finally. i dont know why it took 163,424 years to finish, but i finally did. All i need to do is get some paperwork signed and turn it in and i will officially be a Dive Control Specialist.

I start a job as an underwater videographer on saturday. Best job ever. we'll see how it goes. I also need to start looking into my year two activities. (JAPAN!!!!) although, kelly my roommate keeps talking about thailand and indonesia and tech diving and such, and he keeps saying i should come with him and his friends and it's very tempting, but we'll see.

i miss kira.

i heart trouble.

i love my life. this year is way better than last year, and i'm only 7 days in.