Kira Make me this!!!!

Salted Butter Caramel Ice cream!

mmmmm......

dizzy and depressed

i will preface this by saying "scoop, this is not meant for you. you can read it, but it wont make you feel happy." Warning complete.

every time i stand up i spin. it's probably due to lack of food, but i just can't seem to make myself eat very much. i scarfed down some popcorn last night, not that it has any nutritional value. When my head isnt spinning, it's pounding. And i'm definately getting sick.

i dont like being in this place where i am, and i'm talking both physically and mentally. Cairns is great fun and all, but outside of diving and drinking, there's very little to do here to stretch the mind. Maybe because i'm used to a different environment, or at least one with more friends in it. but i feel like all the fun has been lost from this place, yet have no desire to go out and find more here. I'm thinking about moving, but that seems like running away from problems. But at the moment it's the only option that strikes me. Obviously this has a lot to do with my current state of mind, which will hopefully change, and brings us to the other half of my aforementioned statement. Mentally, i'm an absolute wreck. I'm so confused and unsure about myself and my life. What am i doing? Why am i here? Where do i go? I've been in this place before, and know that eventually (and by that i mean no time in the immediate future, but some distant point far from now) things will be alright, but i feel like my insides are being sucked out through a straw, leaving a hollow cavity inside. My heart is hurting and i dont have much desire to be amongst people, for fear that i'll break down in public. Which is something i've been doing in private. Breaking down. A lot. Mellowdramatic, am i not? But it's true.

I just want this whole mess to be resolved. I want to be the person i used to be. Self assured, and ready to take on the world. I didnt give a fuck. And i loved life.

Wait. Maybe that was someone else. Maybe this is who i really am. A whiney, crying baby who needs people to take care of her. As much as i love taking care of other people, maybe i'm the one who needs the white knight to whisk me away to some castle in the clouds to live happily ever after.

Or maybe i just need a shrink. That could work also.

One thing's for sure. I definitely need to go back on meds.

I love Harry Potter

And he loves me.

and popcorn.

ps. dill pickle seasoning sounds really gross, but apparently it's in my near future (as in tuesday.)

additionally, i need ideas for birthday festivities.

i made this.

but i confess, i used a pattern.