Best thing ever!

My korean roommate just came home, and he told me that his homework for his english class was to get an australian girlfriend. AMAZING.

i definitely think that the best way to learn a language is to get a boyfriend or girlfriend from that place.

anyway. i thought it was great. he just looked embarrassed. i like it.

i was in such a good mood all day.

and now i'm not.

I miss normal.

But do i even remember what that is anymore?

I'm on this round-the-world search for myself, and so far I haven't come up with much. People say you have to hit rock bottom before you can start going up again, but i've done that, and now i'm floundering around, trying to move in some sort of upward fashion, and not making much progress. It's a continual "I'll start tomorrow" mindset, where today's just not going right, but tomorrow it'll be a new day, a new chance to take a step in the right direction, that it'll turn out alright if i just hang in there.

And i try to be pro-active. I make lists. i even write them down, check-box style. But still the boxes go unchecked, and rewritten over and over again. The only goal i can actually accomplish is food shopping. I do love food shopping.

My main goal for year one was to get my Dive Master Cert. DONE. now what? I've got seven more months in this country, i can't get up the drive to work on year two, which now i'm starting to debate even doing (maybe i'll switch it for something else. but what?) Cairns is no thriving metropolis, and this slow season/ no jobs available is driving me stir crazy.

I've been doing a lot of talking about getting my Dive Instructor Certification, which i will probably do. But i keep thinking about how if i am doing that, i can't work, and i need money, so what am i going to do? If i do, at least it will keep me focused and driven for a short period of time.

That's the thing. I have nothing to do. And i'm going mad because of it. Even when i was doing my Dive Con Internship, i wasnt making money, and i wasn't doing much else, but i felt like i have some sort of purpose here. At this point, i live for making food for dennis and myself. I've been baking everyday: cinnamon buns, bagels, brie on fresh baked bread. I love doing it, but it's just not exactly what i would call fulfilling. And i think if dennis wasn't around to eat my creations, i probably wouldn't even be baking. I'd be doing nothing at all.

I dont know. I think my main thing right now is that i've lost all motivation. There's nothing lighting the fire under my ass. Which reminds me of this little ditty, which explains my predicament:


Purpose. It’s that little flame,
That lights a fire under your ass.
Purpose. It keeps you going strong
Like a car with a full tank of gas

I don’t know how I know,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.
I don’t know where I’m gonna look,
But I’m gonna find my purpose.
....
Gotta find out.
Don’t wanna wait.
Got to make sure that my life will be great.
Gotta find my purpose.
Before it’s too late.
....
What will it be? Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery.
Gotta find my purpose.
Gotta find me.

What would you do?!

Last night I came home and there was a strange woman inside my house. Granted, it's a sharehouse, and there's a lot of new people who just moved in, i was dead sure this woman didn't belong.

We tried to talk her into leaving and she wouldnt, so we called the police, and when they finally arrived they escorted her from the house.

She didn't take anything, but we think she did have a shower. i dont know. I think she may have been running away from someone who beat her; she had lots of brusies, and she wouldnt let anyone touch her. And she kept saying she just needed to get to a safe house.

The weirdest part of the whole thing was that before we got home she had gone through all the cabinets in the kitchen and rearranged everything. She didnt eat anything. She just moved things around. And she took empty bottles from the garbage and put them back in the fridge. And she told us she was a housecleaner by trade, and she was just cleaning the house. But she put our wooden spoon on the window sill, and took the spaghetti strainer from the cabinet and moved it to on top of the microwave, and then put things inside it. It didn't really make sense.

Dennis thinks she was on heroin. If she was totally out of her mind on drugs, then i guess she had a reason for rearranging the way she did? And her fingernails and toenails were all gross, and her feet were red and swollen. That could be the reason for the bruises too. I guess that makes sense.

Mostly it was just scary and bizzare.

I went to New Zealand

met up with my fam. this is me and mama jacobs. i heart her a lot.

we went abseiling, rafting, and hiking up waterfalls, all within a completely dark underground cave system. And the caves were filled with glowworms! really cool.

i like NZ a lot. My friends Laura asked me if i wanted to move there with her in September, and I totally would. I've only been to Aukland and Waitomo, but i already am in love.

why keep a blog if noone is going to read it?

i dont know either.

The only Manta Ray I've seen was a pancake...

and i ate him.